Making Peace with Where You Are
Welcome to the first official day of your Compass Playbook Perfect™ Mate Course. Now that you've completed the Pre-Course, you're ready for the meat of the Course and to get into defining and designing your ideal relationship. In this lesson, we are going to talk about getting clarity around where you are right now. This is an important step for two critical reasons:
- You get to look at where you are right now more definitively and from a place of appreciation
- You get to create a milestone to base your improvement upon so you recognize it when it happens
Direct Your Mind's Power
In this Course and in all of the Compass Playbook training, intention is the impetus to improvement. You will learn how to set a new intention, more clearly understand your mindset (which is fueled by beliefs) and what is holding you back from getting your ideal relationship and living the love you want and deserve! You will be more powerful in your discernment of how you think about relatedness and learn how to shift and reframe what you've been thinking about relationships to more productive, positive thoughts that will inspire you and bring you closer to what you most deeply want.
Power Posing with Amy Cuddy
In this TED video, social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing”—standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident—can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success. This further illustrates the power of your mind and how easily you can influence it to achieve the goals that are most important to you. Let's retrain that brain!
There are two Plays that you will do for today's lesson that will give you an introduction to the work you'll be doing in the Course. The first Play is identifying where you are, and the second Play is about creating a clearer picture of expectancy, even though you've not done the clarifying work that you'll be doing in the Course yet. When you've completed this practice, check in with how you feel about your situation. You should feel much better and more hopeful!
Before you do these Plays, however, strike your POWER POSE for two minutes. (If you don't know what we mean, go back and watch the entire video above.)
You Are Here Play
Where are you regarding your ideal relationship right now? This is where you get present to how you perceive your relationship situation as it stands right now. Do the following Play in your journal (or wherever you are doing your Compass Playbook Plays for this Course. In the future, we'll use the term "journal," but please use whatever recording tool you prefer, including the Compass Creative Process Templates provided to you as PDFs).
- Finish this sentence in a factual, unemotional manner and do not infuse it with attitude or opinion: "Right now, my relationship situation is...". For example, "Right now, I am not in any kind of relationship with an ideal partner." Or, "Right now, my relationship situation is that I have been married for 21 years." Or, "Right now, my relationship situation is that I am separated/divorced." After you write that sentence, reflect on it distinct from what you make it mean. In other words, look at it from the singular standpoint of a fact, and separate what you make your relationship situation say about you.
- Write about how you feel right now about the relationship situation you are in. More than likely, it will be emotions that are not-so-great, such as frustrated, sad, lonely, resigned, etc. otherwise you wouldn't be doing this work! And that's okay. Write a couple of paragraphs about how you feel and why you feel that way about it. Let your emotions flow and record whatever you are present to. This should feel good to you to get it out on paper, even if the way you feel is not great.
- For the last part of this Play, do an appreciative inquiry about all that you have experienced and learned about being in relationships to this point. What came before this situation? Write about the past relationships you've had as well as any observed relationships (friends, family, fictional, etc.). Keep only one thing in mind when you do this inquiry: write from the standpoint of what you appreciate about those experiences and observations. For example, "I appreciate what I learned from my high school love, Don. He was my first real love, and I felt so special and cared for. I especially loved how much time we spent together, and that we enjoyed the same music." And, "I loved watching how my grandparents adored each other, and how they took care of each other in such a sweet way." Get specific with details if it makes you feel good. The key is that you keep your focus on all of the things that you really loved and enjoyed about your prior relationships as well as those you've observed and admired.
For the second Play, you are going to take the first step in creating the place you want to be in as a result of completing this Course. Hang with us for a second. What this Play does is create expectancy, and even though you may not know exactly what you'll get out of this Course, you definitely know what result you want right now. So let's capture that!
- Like the first step in the last Play, complete this sentence: "Right now, the ideal relationship I want is...". For example, "Right now, the ideal relationship I want is with a partner who brings out the very best in me, who I can count on, who is financially responsible and emotionally present. Who enjoys life, who shares interests with me, and inspires me to be a better person." (Pretty idealistic, but you get the drift.)
- Write about how you expect to feel once you have achieved that state of your ideal relationship as you see it right now. Include emotions and explain why you feel that way. For example, "I'm going to feel so happy playing golf with my ideal partner, and sharing in this interest makes me feel that there are more things we can do together, and I love spending time with someone who I can feel comfortable with while I try to improve my game."
- For the last part, as in the prior Play, do an appreciative inquiry about all that you imagine you'll be able to experience once you get to your ideal relationship. Keep it all positive, focus on the emotional aspects as well as the specifics of the actual aspect that you are appreciating. Such as, "I appreciate how my partner helps me relax when it comes to finances and managing our budget together. He/She helps me see more clearly how we can have a stable and healthy financial future and it helps me sleep much better at night."