Thinking on Purpose
We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.
Shifting and Reframing Beliefs
There's nothing more frustrating than to be late for an appointment, taking a shortcut to make up time and coming across a sign that says "ROAD CLOSED." Well, imagine that scenario in your brain. Limiting beliefs act like road closures in that they prevent you from moving forward to what you want. They keep you stuck, going in circles and never getting to your destination.
For example, if you have a limiting belief that says, "There are no good men/women out there for me," it's as if your brain sees a "BELIEF CLOSED" road sign. It doesn't allow or support a belief that aligns with what you want. Because of past experiences and the story you've allowed to exist, your mind cannot accept you meeting the right person. You repeatedly encounter evidence that reinforces that belief/story in your life. It's how you perceive reality—it's the story you're telling about who you are in relationships and it manifests in your everyday experience.
Write a New Story
How do you break through that "BELIEF CLOSED" road sign? You don't necessarily break through it—you go around it by creating a new, better belief that more closely matches what you want. You write a new story about who you are in relationships. Once this story is written, you practice it by giving conscious, deliberate thought to it. You add to it, embellish it, expand it, make it more savory and delectable and enjoy every single bite of it. Eventually, the new story will override the old belief and you'll have a whole new and faster route to your ideal relationship!
Belief Turnaround Play
In the prior lesson, you mind-mapped your limiting beliefs around your ideal relationship in the Belief Barrier Play. In this Belief Turnaround Play, you'll further deconstruct the limiting beliefs you uncovered in the Belief Barrier Play. This is where you begin the shifting process from a negative belief or doubt that holds what you want at bay, to a positive belief that frees the possibility of attaining your ideal relationship. This shifts negative or limiting beliefs regarding your way of being in relationships and gives you a clean slate to write your new story.
- Pick a negative belief from the Belief Barrier Play that resonates with you the most. Write it down as a statement (e.g. “I don’t have the patience to start dating again, so I shouldn’t”).
- Write a new statement that is rephrased to be more general or more positive (e.g. “I’m looking forward to meeting and 'trying on' new people,” or “My lack of patience is understandably a response to past experiences, and I can easily become more patient and enjoy the process more fully," or "I'm excited to get out there and see what the world has to offer in prospective relationships.”).
- Re-read the new belief statement and write about the experience you’re having rephrasing your limiting belief. Notice the degree of struggle or ease around accepting your new belief.
- Repeat steps 1-3 for the other negative belief statements, and remember to focus on the positive. If you're struggling coming up with a rephrased belief that's more positive, make your statement broad and not as specific, such as, "I'll figure this out," or "I'm learning a lot about how I think and I am looking forward to feeling better," or "I know I'm going to be okay and it will all work out."
Belief Celebration Play
Now that you've done some work rephrasing and coming up with new belief statements, it's time to celebrate the positive beliefs you created about attaining your ideal relationship. Pay particular attention to how you feel as you do this Play.
- Write your new relationship belief statement in the center circle of a mind map.
- Create a mind map of the positive attributes associated to your new belief, as well as the good things that will come out of it when it’s attained (e.g. “I'm eager to feel the rush of excitement of meeting someone I like," or they can be one-word statements as well such as, "Love," "playfulness," "great sex," "travel," etc.).
- On a new page, list at least ten more refined positive statements that you are willing to accept and believe (e.g. “I am a wonderful catch and know my ideal will really appreciate me,” or “Being someone's soft place to fall is a wonderful feeling.”).
- Every morning (or at least once a day), read your refined positive statements that reflect the new relationship beliefs you are willing to adopt. Feel free to add to this list over time. For a boost, it's extra powerful if done out loud in front of a mirror.