How Far Can You See?
Clarity affords focus. —Thomas Leonard
Kicking it into high gear
Now that you've had sufficient preparation, foundation building and explanation of the Compass Playbook framework, it's time to more deeply focus on what you want in your ideal relationship. For the next 21 lessons, you are going to do Plays that get you ready for your ideal relationship and more comfortable with what that looks and feels like. You are in the process of writing a new story about you in this ideal relationship.
You will extract, invent and clarify all that you want and do it from a place of self-appreciation and positive orientation, always recalling your Magnetic North. You'll explore a deeper level of detail and spend time languishing in what that is like for you. You'll examine why you want what you want and use details as anchors to help keep your focus oriented on the end-game: your truest love and highest satisfaction from a relationship that brings you the fulfillment you've longed for.
Aspiration Clarifier Play
This is a two-part Play that includes list making and mind mapping. Mind maps are great at clarifying what you want because they expose different ways to focus as well as create launch pads for future ideation. Mind mapping works best when treated as a true stream of consciousness. They are highly effective at expanding many of the aspects of your new story.
In this Play, you are going to do a "brain dump" of as many of the aspects you can think of regarding your ideal relationship. When you capture all of the aspects you've compiled in your "ideal relationship bank," you become more aware of the dimensions of your desire.
Keep your words and phrases positively oriented, such as "remembers my birthday and important occasions," as opposed to "doesn't forget my birthday or important occasions." Notice how one focuses on what is wanted and the other focuses on what is not wanted? This is a key distinction in telling your new relationship story. The brain grabs the object of the focus (a forgetful partner), but it doesn't fully grasp the distinction you are making by talking about it in an "I don't want that" form. (Remember the brain is lazy.) As a result, you get what your attention is centered upon: what you don't want! So stay positively oriented.
- List all of the things you want in your ideal relationship - these can be one word adjectives such as, "joy, spontaneity, travel," as well as statements such as, "ability to work together on a community project with real passion and impact."
- Recommended time for this Play is 5 minutes if you wish to time it, so the faster you write, the less inhibited your brain will be in evaluating each item that surfaces. This should inspire you to come up with as many items that you have in your consciousness, so you get to pull as much from your "ideal relationship bank" as possible.
- Feel free to add to this list as additional items surface. The more you reach for of the aspects of your ideal relationship, the more you'll find.
- Pick one thing that resonates with you from the list and write it in the center circle of a mind map.
- Branch out the aspects that this one thing that you want in your ideal relationship generates. Moving outward, fill the page with as many as you can. For example, if you start with "travel," your map will include locations, travel preparation, what you'll do on the trip, people you'll meet, how you'll feel on the trip, how you'll come up with where you want to go, etc.
Always keep whatever you are writing focused on what is wanted and away from what is not wanted or the lack of something. This is part of the rewriting of your story, and it is also training your brain to get in the habit of looking for the positive aspects in any given topic.